One of my biggest pet peeves at work are shitheads who like to write “please advise” at the bottom of every stupid email they send. Even if they are not soliciting advise, but want you to do something, they ask for us to advise them. “Yeah, I advise you to do it yourself, shithead”. Is what I write in my head, but instead completely ignore whatever they said in their email and reply with “all set” when I’ve completed the work. You ain’t getting advise from ME, bucko.
Often the people sending the email have absolutely no clue how the system works and the reason why their stuff isn’t working is because they are under the impression that the system is magical or highly proficient at reading their minds and fabricates data out of thing air. In which case I write “I advise you to learn your god damned system” in my head.
Sometimes something’s not working and they ask for advise when really all they want is for us to fix it. If I advised every user who has no idea about computers how to fix every problem, I’d never have time to actually fix any problems!
To me “please advise” is just a pompous jackass way of saying “what did you do?!” or “make it go!” and basically just takes up space so that people who really have nothing useful to offer, so they say this to make themselves sound more important. I think at the end of my emails I should write “so there!” or “how about that?” or perhaps “well ain’t that somethin’?!”, since all of it generally means nothing at all.
Instead of “please advise” just rely on your actual communicative skills (if you friggin’ have any) and hope that the REAL words you’ve used in your email portray what’s not working or what you want done to speak for themselves, instead of tacking on your generic, idiotic, bloat.
Please advise.
